Don't know what I'm doin in here stewin' around...who knows...won't stay long...see ya.. Cracker

I been goin through a bunch of mind changes here lately...now that ain't good for me...I'm a person that needs balance in their life...my pendulum has been rockin to for one way and then swinging back to far...thats why I left today...I made up the bed in the Chinook...tomorrow is Monday...have a long list of things that I'm going to get done...it was a good drive today...heavy over-cast sky...no rain...I took a small back highway and had the whole road to myself...and tonight...well...it has been years since I allowed myself to drive at nights..and tonight...it felt like ole home week...I can feel a trip comin' on...I think I'm headed south-east...see what the beaches look like in Alabama...the truck run just like a clock out there today...when I hit I-70 and rolled down it for a while...I was very pleased with the way it handled..very pleased...so tomorrow it goes to Kenny's to be gone over...will check on Bill...go tell this landlady if she don't move me to town..bye..bye..I ain't stayin here this winter...but there is more...how much I want out here on front street...not much...going to limit my time here...maybe only at night..late...I don't know...I was going to write a post about shiftin sand from dirt...maybe thats what I am trying to do for myself right now...stop...look...listen...I kinda threw it out there to Jimmy today but he didn't think much of the deal...so I just shut up and will take it a step at a time...my next trip will be to Moline,Ill. where John Deere started all the mess....then I am going to my daughters in Seboygan...get a bottle of wine and we will go down and watch the moon on the lake...

well...here I sit in the middle of the night...rain...and more rain here...so I finished the cushions for the Chinook...(looks good Hollywood!!)...found some kick ass beads and bangles...froo -froo...I am leavein' in the mornin'...win lose or draw...sittin here waitin for my baby...went to see Bill...God knows I love him...best friend I ever had ...but all he can talk about is being old...fuck that..I'm alive....never old...alive!!!...I had a great day...went to the Saddle and had breafast this afternoon...filled my truck up with gas ...it ROCKS...only held 20.00 worth...oh hell yeah!!...so I'm ready..the new cuhsions are nice but while I was out today I saw some material that would really make it something...Hippie van ...maybe...I am getting ready to "Turn The Page" as Seger would say...I'm going to let this unfold like a flower kids...but I am gettin ready for a change...I am a little concerned about my drinkin'...today I have hashed it around...all day...the pros and cons of the thing...I figure if I had *more* in my life I would not feel this need to drink....I talked to the ex today..(he celebrated his 14 anniversery w/o a drink)...very pround of him...anyway...I was tellin him about my concerns and he was tellin me about something called HALT...hungry,angry,lonely.troubled...now I won't swear to the last one cause my brain stopped on "lonely"...ah yes!...I see said the blind man....so....it has come to a re-evaluation time in my life...I didn't put this at Mid-nights cause it is only for my closest friends to read...you know who you are...I feel like this is my place...nobody and no bull shit here...just me Shirley...talkin and feelin and bein'...anyway...I gotta do something if I can't figure this shit out...I'm workin on a plan in my head...but until it unfolds in real life I do not want to mention it...but back to the drinkin'...I was tryin to talk to Bill about my concerns and all he said was..(shoulder shruggs)...what difference does it make?...and I thought...yeah...what the hell difference does it make?...that's where I am...up the stump...and wonderin'...does it matter?

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